Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
