On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
