You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
