I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Found the puke drawer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
