i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
