we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
