I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
