The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
