i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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