my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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