I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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