just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
