we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
