And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You took a bar mat shot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
