At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
