listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
