I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
