We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
