you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
