Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
