Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
