Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
