i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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