ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
