Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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