Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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