I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
