He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
