While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
