yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
