Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
