she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
look no pants
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
