Already got asked if we're dating
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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