i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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