he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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