i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
