Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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