Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
