our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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