Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
