Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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