he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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