i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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