im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
