Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
