Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
