its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
