dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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