Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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