The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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