Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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