we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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