chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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